Friday, July 10, 2009

Love at first sight doesn't work if one of you needs glasses

Scientists have come to accept the notion of love at first sight as having some validity. I will post the links when I find them, but what explains this phenomenon is that the person has some kind of "love map" in their mind, and when they meet a person who fits it, they are able to process a lot of information about that person, checking them off against their subconscious list.

This sounds suspiciously like a Law of Attraction based mate checklist, and people who use LOA for love seem to have a much quicker "gel" of their relationships than do people who use conventional means. I've observed this over and over again.

What inspires this reflection, is my own personal romantic minefield.

My Daniel Jackson left me a note to explain why he was "dialing home" and gating back to Earth. That is if I assume his correspondence was closure and not the seeking of dialogue. Closure is the best assumption to make, for the sake of my own sanity.

Basically, in so many words - he could tell that I was already at the climax of our shared novel, and he was still in the first chapter. Being rather more in tune than a typical dense male, he picked up on these subtle signs.

I attempted to use tactics (such as The Rules) - I behaved well in the sense of not initiating any contact between dates, not talking about our future and not talking about my feelings - but apparently while I did play my cards close to my chest, I didn't play them close enough.

He said that he could tell by the way that I looked at him. Some time before, he commented one time that he had never before dated a woman who fainted from being kissed. He seemed to perceive my very strong attraction to him as this very strange thing.

Which to be fair, I had never before dated a man who could make me faint.

Among those things is that he regretted horribly that we had "gone all the way" for these reasons. I had initially convinced him that I needed a bond *first*, but then decided "what the hell". I really did not feel like sleeping with him or not sleeping with him would have any bearing upon my feelings. I was already in very deep water.

He'll probably try to wait next time around.

For the first time, I'm not frustrated with the other person, or angry with them. Of all those I've been with, he's been the most direct and sincere about where he is at and who he is, and even his note to me expressed this. He never promised me anything.

Furthermore, I consciously intended this relationship using LOA techniques. Any hurt I've inflicted upon myself, is completely my responsibility. Why should I blame the other person for a situation that I created?

And frankly, that one night is the best memory of the kind that I have. It was the fulfillment of
very many wishes and dreams that I've had since puberty, and the connection that preceded it fulfilled many wishes and dreams that I've had all my life. I just hope it won't ruin me for others.

I'd never before - ever - made love with somebody to whom I felt any kind of genuine connection on multiple levels. Laying in the dark discussing phi, the beauty of the shadows on the walls, and having such an open communication with someone that I felt got me. Who actually looked in my eyes the whole time. Joked with me over breakfast. That one night and the week leading up to it, were more perfect than any I've had in even a relationship that lasted two years.

I've generally wanted to wait, but everything felt so irresistibly perfect. There is probably one perfect fantasy for which most people wouldn't wait. This was mine. I am either some kind of anthropology slut (I'm half tempted to haunt university halls in my hooker pumps now), which should not be surprising since I *was* an anthropology major, and it's probably the major I'll transfer with. Or else I just have a weakness for someone who considers the Golden Ratio something akin to the fingerprint of G-d.

No, this time, I'm frustrated with myself.

What I'm more frustrated with, though, is my relationship paradigm.

I have two basic types of relationships I've experienced: soulmates and cellmates.

I am an agnostic about the whole past life thing, but I accept that believers are describing a particular model of relationship and particular type of chemistry. I've felt that before.

It's honestly the only kind of relationship I desire. It's what I've experienced in fleeting moments with a few others (especially if they are Myers-Briggs Intuitive Feeler types - who unfortunately are everyone's soulmate) and most powerfully and poignantly with my Daniel clone.

This is where you feel such an easy communication with a person, and so many common interests and viewpoints, such a powerful feeling of shared vision, that you feel as if this person were made just for you. When my Daniel and I walked in the city at night, one of us would look at the shadows on the ground and be struck by the fact that the other was looking at exactly the same thing in exactly the same way. As a person who's often felt like an alien creature, can I really be blamed at wanting to cleave so hard to another member of my own kind, if they are the first I've seen in so long?

But my soulmate relationships have been brief and fleeting. I've had about 4 or so connections like this in my whole lifetime, and they generally have played out the same way. I'm ready to run to Vegas and get hitched by an Elvis impersonator practically from the first kiss. I see myself married to them.

However, I am just some woman they are getting to know. Again. I'm already at the climax of the novel while they are on the first page.

The other type of relationship, I'll call "cellmates".

These have been my longest lasting relationships. We end up staying together because of the prison we are in - a shared home, shared groups of friends, something entirely external to us. But we are always on the same page, always equally unhappy.

I often think that at 35 I probably should just give up the whole soulmate thing. The trouble is, that it is so deeply engrained in me that I don't know how possible this will be.

I also understand something about my issue of instant recognition.

I have met most of my "soulmates" after creating a master list of about 150-200 items and a smaller list of about 5 major nonnegotiable personality traits. I do a Law of Attraction process, and frequently very quickly meet the person. My recognition is quick. In the case of the eccentric archaeologist in question, it was instantaneous; I knew him when he wrote me, and I knew him when I saw him.

My Daniel Jackson clone showed up the very next day after I finalized my list, and met most of the items. He said things that I've long thought but never imagined any other human being in the world, actually cared about... such as that phi is the concept that inspires the closest to genuine religious awe.

Because of my list, I'm able to process a lot about a person's compatibility very quickly. I can figure out how much they fit the list after a few conversations, learning more about them (in Daniel's case, Google was my friend), and being around them a few times - provided we actually have any kind of deep conversation.

No wonder there is a discrepancy between how far along in emotion I am with my "soulmates", and where they are at with me. The relationship, for me, started not with our first meeting, but with my conceptualizing them over time and creating them from the ether. The relationship, for them, started with our meeting.

I've often described the world that does not accept/practice LOA, as being the world of sleepers. They remain blind to the forces that move them, and they drift from one experience to another without any real conscious intentionality.

I have to accept that most people are sleepers. The person that I have consciously manifested (and recognize immediately because of it) has not necessarily manifested me. It may take them time, and conventional sleeper methods, to know me. And because they do not have a clear picture of what they want, this process may not be very efficient.

They need to rely upon conventional sleeper methods to know me and fall in love with me, which can take quite a while, during which time they are scared off by my greater emotional investment.

Because of this differential, I will ALWAYS be way ahead, emotionally, of someone who has not consciously intended me.

For this reason, I've realized that these are the very most important items on my list (they were way down at the bottom before):

You have created me, as I've created you. And you will recognize me.

Because I really want a relationship where we are emotionally on the same page.

There is one final thought on why I'm not on the same page as those I've been interested in:

I've been ready to get married for a long time, ever since about two years prior to the blunder of my first marriage.

Three dates is long enough for me to size up a lot of a person's mate potential, provided we spend relaxed time around each other in an informal setting.

Many men report that when they meet the woman they want to marry, the readiness preceded meeting her. They already want a wife prior to the woman showing up. They have, in short, intended to meet a future wife.

Whereas the process of girlfriend acquisition, prior to this readiness tipping point, tends to be rather random. "I like her; I like spending time around her; let's see where this goes."

But still. Even this connects to intention-manifestation, don't you see?

I really, really want a partner who will pick me up, and carry me, when I faint.

No comments:

Post a Comment