Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Full Reliance

Presently in that pre-relationship limbo (sort of seeing someone yet still single), and having calmed down from the potent oxytocin-dopamine cocktail generated by drunken bliss mixed with my own premature expectations and projections, I took a deep breath and realized that after all, yes, I am still technically single.

The cute, eccentric Daniel Jackson clone (in many respects) in question has not exactly applied for sole excavation rights on Planet Alice, and statistically speaking, could dissappear at any moment as if he were jumping through the stargate back to Earth.

I also realized that alas, the love of my life of precisely twelve hours last week, does indeed have patches of humanity yet to be discovered.

So yes, indeed, I am still single, and should this one go “poof” as Sherry & Ellen (of “The Rules” fame) term it – when people with whom one has previously enjoyed a weeklong passionate affair, suddenly stage a dissappearing act - then I am back where I started, a little older and wiser.

And yes, I very much wish to find the love of my life. And alas, the man who was the love of my life for precisely twelve hours last week, has not yet made a decisive movement toward staking his territory. More, I realize - I don't know him.

Furthermore: either anyone I am presently dating will be the love of my life, or they will not. Hard as it is to admit, I can't know that yet. I'll only know in retrospect. There is absolutely nothing I can do to cast anyone in this role, aside from not screw up in some major way, and not say "no" if a suitable candidate presents themselves to audition for this role.

The manner in which many modern women handle this situation, is to “multidate” or “power date”. How this is carried out depends upon your morals. Some more modern women choose to keep a “pair and a spare” meaning that they date two men (or women, or both) fairly regularly while keeping one “emergency backup boyfriend”. Some books (such as “The Four Man Plan”) even state it's “okay” to have sex with one of the people you are seeing. Again, this all depends upon what moral construction you subscribe to. Some women choose not to even kiss any of the men (or women, or both) they are multidating.

The idea is to handle dating in as efficient a manner as possible, tracking one's romantic prospects like business prospects. One handles dating in an efficient, businesslike and impersonal manner and avoids wasting time being attached to the wrong men (or women, or both).

For some reason, my attempts to do this, triggered me fully in the direction of worsening my attachment to the outcome. I was focused completely on relationships, not on any number of other things I'd prefer to study.

This is actually very bad, from the Law of Attraction standpoint. The general LOA tactic is to assume that one is already in possession (or cohabitation, or whatever term applies) of the thing which they are attracting.

Why would I participate in dating forums, read relationship books, or multi-date if I were already with the person of my dreams?

Furthermore, just thinking about relationships makes me rather miserable. My research into LOA (and acquaintance with people in my Buddhist organization) and how many people actually mate in real life, confirms for me that I am really no more likely to find the love of my life by trying to find the love of my life, than by doing nothing. And in my case, I am possibly more likely to find that person by doing nothing at all, since action makes me so very overwrought.

I have decided to take a somewhat radical path: Full Reliance.

By this, I mean that I am attempting to walk away from conventional wisdom whether traditional or contemporary, any book that has been written on relationships, any board that focuses on this, and even most external attempts to date (I'm debating whether to keep my OKCupid profile active - although taking it down would be a supreme act of faith).

I am ceasing all conventional attempts to find a relationship.

I am placing full reliance on Buddhism and LOA for my relationship questions. I take my relationship issues before the Gohonzon. Tempted to call him? Do an hour of daimoku. Daimoku instead of crackboarding my relationship boards. Read only Buddhist, LOA-oriented and compatible (which oddly - some Christian dating books are quite compatible in philosophy) books regarding relationships if I must read relationship books at all, and then only to reaffirm my faith that Mr. or Ms. Whoever is out there.

Sounds easy, doesn't it.

You've got to be kidding me.

It's one of the hardest things ever.

But I do feel a sense of spaciousness. I am actually getting on to doing things I'd much rather be doing (such as running, brushing up on Chinese, reading my new-to-me book about monkeys), and I do my best to trust that the Universe has my order - while keeping a space in my life for that person. Keeping the space open is absolutely necessary.

I may or may not find my mate this way. But I may or may not find my mate using conventional methods, and heck - at least I spent my year or more doing more productive things than mate-shopping.

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